Marriages do not fall apart in a day. It usually happens gradually but many wives refuse to see it happening in their marriage. The Bible says in 1 Peter 5:8, “Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour”. Change is inevitable in life as well as in marriage. The reality of marriage will keep changing for you and your husband as time goes by. It may be dominated by passion in the first years, and later become commitment-oriented. The permanence of marriage does not mean happiness. That your husband is still at home with you does not mean he is happy in the marriage. An unfulfilled expectation is one of the major causes of men seeking satisfaction outside of the home, but it is not justified because Proverbs 6:30-32 says, “People do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is starving” and “Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding he who does so destroy his own soul”. A Vibrant Marriage is one where the couple shares large numbers of practical work-related and leisure interests, at which they feel great enthusiasm for doing these things together. It is common in the early stages of marriage, usually in the first year, for couples to go out as if they are still dating. Some people are lucky to have this fire burning for a long time and may know how to rekindle the flame when it seems to be
burning out. However, the truly vibrant marriage is not as common today, though many people feign vibrancy.
The next level of vibrancy is called the Vital Marriage. This is probably the best one can expect today. Here, couples enjoy doing things together but lack interest in things they do not share in the marriage. I say it is the best one can expect because the marriage remains the most important focus of the partners and they do not seek any sort of
external satisfaction.
The third level of vibrancy is called the Devitalized Marriage. This is the marriage every wife should watch out for. This marriage was once vital or even vibrant but has now become cold, dull and uninteresting. It is a marriage that has lost its taste according to Luke 14:34, “Salt is good, but if the salt has lost its flavour, how shall it be seasoned?”
When the marriage becomes cold, a good wife who cares about her home is meant to do something about it. It is sad to note that many couples within the body of Christ at this point start engaging themselves outside of the home. Some people who seem to be committed to the work of God are only doing so to run away from their homes. If the
home is still exciting, you will balance your commitment to it and the church. At this level, I expect the woman to bring to bear her gift of intuition. Every woman is endowed with this power of lightning-fast inner-seeing, inner-hearing, inner-sensing and inner-knowing. But how many women bring it to the fore in their marriage? The modern woman is so engrossed in making money that leads to power struggles with her husband that she reduces everything to logic as men do.
Fourth is the Passive Marriage. Sadly, this marriage has never been vibrant, so it is difficult to say it has gone cold. It is often a marriage of convenience where the partners are happy with its coldness. This is sometimes the result of people getting married to the available person rather than the desirable. Sometimes the partners may be in love with someone they were unable to marry like a married man or an older woman, hence their settlement for a socially acceptable person deemed just fit enough for partnership. This sort of marriage also makes the husband vulnerable to the strange woman. I say this because I have observed that women, particularly in the church, easily adjust to this sort of marriage and are happy without seeking outside satisfaction. However, some couples are engaged in parallel marriages outside of their home. Such parallel marriages are in the form of commitments to someone or something outside the marriage that makes up for their marital expectations. These attachments come in diverse forms such as the strange woman/man, work, hobby or other engagements which are sought after to minimize the effect of the inadequacy in the marriage. Unfortunately, some spouses hang around other men or women in the church believing they are not engaged in an affair because they are not being physical, yet there are fond of this man or woman more than their spouses.
Finally, we have the Conflict-Habituated Marriage where clashes are part of the couple’s lifestyle. Though many marriages are happy in this state; if at all they break, it would not come as a surprise. The Bible says in Proverbs 17:1 “better is a dry morsel with quietness than a house full of feasting with strife”. Just because your marriage is
existing does not mean it has life in it. A loveless marriage is a lifeless marriage, living but dead. And it exposes your husband to the strange woman.
