Welcome to the third quarter of the year! The beginning of this year may have been rough, but the remaining months will be better. I have a few things to discuss with both single and married ladies and gentlemen.
Singles, please do not allow anyone or anything to pressurise you into getting married. Know and identify why you are marrying that person. The marriage institution has a lot of impact on your Christian race. Be sincere with yourself, even if you lie to everyone around you. It pains me that after teaching and counselling some young people, I later discover that they are no longer together because they cannot withstand marital challenges. Marriage cannot be rosy every time. In fact, it is dangerous because it means that they are just pretending and not being themselves. You are from different homes and backgrounds, so there must be disagreements at the initial stage. It is only when there is pretence that there will not be any disagreement.
You must also be ready to deal with your rigid behaviour. Be ready to change or alter any behaviour that can destroy your marriage with your spouse. There are definitely some behaviours that your spouse will have to cope with, tolerate, and manage, but there are others that you will have to stop, change, or alter because they cannot tolerate them. With understanding, you will both talk about it and agree together on such a situation.
You must also know that the moment you get married, your life is no longer private to your partner. There must not be any privacy at all.
Now, to the married.
Stop comparing yourself to anyone. What you do not have today, you will have tomorrow. Be content. Please enjoy where you are on your way to where you are going. Yes, you may think that you have made a mistake in marrying that person, but there is room for adjustment and rearrangement if you know your spouse’s weaknesses and strengths and know how to respond to their reactions each time. If you are informed about this, you will know how to solve the challenge.
There are many types of husbands that need to change for the better. So also wives.
- Cheating Husband (Hebrews 13:4): No matter how much money is given to a woman who is being cheated on, she can never be happy. Some women will be aware of such situations in their marriages but will decide to keep quiet. Whatever you cannot take or accept from your spouse, please do not do it (or stop doing it). The only time a woman will be comfortable with infidelity without acting either spiritually or physically is when she herself is cheating. God will always judge a cheater, so please be careful.
- Lying Husband: These kinds of husbands cannot be trusted. You cannot catch them at a point. Women are highly intelligent, and whenever you are lying to an intelligent woman, even though she may not confront you for peace to reign, she knows. Many properties have landed in the hands of other people because the husbands did not declare what they owned to their wives (Ephesians 4:25).
- Ever-Busy Husband: He is always busy. Money is good, but it is not everything. If your wife cannot talk to you most of the time, then there is a problem. Whatever job or religion you are doing or practising that does not permit you to attend to your wife’s needs has to go. Marriage is a sacrifice. Sacrifice your time, not just your body. Deliberately create an avenue for only the two of you to be alone without the children around. You can get someone to stay with them if they are still very young, and you can also have someone responsible watch over them during their holidays while you spend some time alone for a few days. Where you decide to go will depend on your financial capacity. You can travel overseas or visit resorts locally in places like Lekki and Ajah, or at least go to Redemption City and rent a room. It is not too expensive for just the two of you.
- Abusive Husband: He can make his wife’s life miserable. So be careful.
- Difficult husband: No matter how much a woman tries to satisfy him, he is never satisfied. He complains about everything, forgetting that he is not perfect either (Colossians 3:19).
- Destructive Husband (Proverbs 5:18): He destroys many things in anger and even destroys the house. This kind of behaviour needs to change for better enjoyment.
- Over-Jealous Husband: He is too dangerous to live with because if he does not kill himself, he will kill someone.
This is where I will stop, we will continue from here next quarter.