Welcome to the second month in 2021. This year may have started out with its challenges but in all, glory be to God Almighty. I want to use this time to encourage as many women that are discouraged by what they may be going through in their marriages through this question and answer.
Question: Mummy, what else can I do? I try to impress and satisfy my husband, yet its complaints every time, every day no matter my sacrifice for him and our children. Our marriage is more than 18 years old. Many times, I feel like committing suicide. To people outside, they believe I am enjoying, but nobody can control or correct him. Is God asleep about my case? I have prayed, yet I have not seen changes.
Answer: Firstly, I thank God for your life because He is working out something for you. You may not be aware but I know this. Please do not relent your prayers. I feel your pain. Sincerely, I know it is not easy loving a man who does not appreciate you or your efforts, as Luke 6:45 tells us that, “out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks”, but God in heaven will surely reward you. It is a matter of time. Your mental health matters. Recently, a woman confided in me that 2 years ago, she had attempted suicide, but her husband did not discuss it with his family due to shame. This is still the same issue she complained about. So, please get it right. Start doing whatever makes you happy. Look for ways to ease off the tension, and surround yourself with people who believe in you and make you happy. If you can afford to go for a spa treatment, do so. Make your hair or get a good haircut. Laugh it off and make sure you restrain yourself from adultery because I have found that most women at this stage are vulnerable to marital infidelity. This is because there is always someone out there who will appreciate you in a much better way and manner than your husband. So, be careful.
You said that you have been praying and have also tried to comply with his excesses yet the situation has remained the same. Luke 1:37 says, “with God nothing shall be impossible.” One day, God will touch his heart but don’t kill yourself or lose your mind before then. Thinking about it, you will know that this is a spiritual matter and it is beyond you. Check his family and yours to know if other wives or members of your families are also facing a similar situation. Whatever you discover will help you to know what to pray about. Also, side chicks and strange women cannot be ruled out. A lot of times, when a man is involved in illicit affairs, he will no more be satisfied with his wife. He will complain about everything including food, but when he is outside, he is willing to spend much more on feeding. However, he is not ready to spend to get good food from his wife. At this point, you need extra grace because it is sickening to find out that your efforts are unappreciated despite the sacrifices.
Do not allow anyone’s behaviour to make you either leave God or His presence. Hold on to Christ, the Author and Finisher of your faith, because very soon, if you do not relent, you will laugh last in Jesus Name. Be encouraged.
To brothers out there who are also reading this article, if your wife is unhappy with you because you have been maltreating her in any manner, it is unfortunate because you are only afflicting yourself. And this can bring about delay or completely hinder your prayers from being answered. God is watching you, and you will receive your reward accordingly. If you appreciate other people and their wives, but not your wife, then you may not know the value of what you have until you lose it. Whatever you do not value cannot be a blessing to you. You only know about today, remember, the same woman whom you tag ‘useless’ today will be the one who will stay with you later in life if there are challenges. Be wise!
For the young adults too, I encourage you to be responsible before getting married. Your responsibilities include paying the bills to maintain the house, engaging with your children among a host of others. Do not fall for the lie that your responsibility is only restricted to paying the house rent and children’s school fees. If you are not ready to do these and others, please stay away from marriage.