These are questions asked by several women and my responses to them. I hope you will learn from their experiences. 

QUESTION: I am a born-again sister married to a born-again brother in RCCG. We are both workers in the church but I realize that my husband does not have an atom of love for me. His attitude and the sort of words that come out of his mouth have made me realize that I made the biggest mistake of my life in marrying him. He is neither caring nor loving and is very selfish. He does not willingly buy things for me. What can I do? We are just patching this marriage.

ANSWER: Glory be to God that you are still together, my sister. There are some people whose cases are not even as bad, yet they are no more together. This shows that God loves you both. As you said, you are both workers in the church, so even if you believe that your marriage is a mistake, God is a God of change. There is nothing too difficult for Him to do. Some men think that they are allowed to say anything when they are angry to prove their point. But when you surrender your life to Christ, your body and character remain intact, and gradually God has a way of changing you. In my counselling sessions, I tell women to develop shock absorbers due to the things that come from their spouses. You do not have to reply to all the nagging, abuses, negative words and curses because they would only bring more bad words. And you keeping quiet does not mean that you are a fool, you are only obeying the Word of God. With regards to not buying things for you, PLEASE find something to do (which will earn you some money); and if you are working, buy for yourself those things you need to make yourself happy. I am not supporting the bad behaviour but whatever you do not have the power to change leave it for God to handle. And pray. My sister, I feel your pain, I know what you are talking about. It is not an easy process but you do not have a choice. As a child of God, the moment you are married it is settled for life. Make sure this does not take you away from God. Don’t lose your focus as a child of God. Read the Bible, surround yourself with people who will encourage and not discourage you. It is a matter of time, you are sowing your prayers, you will soon reap the harvests.

And for men who will read this reply, let us watch our words. Some men are going through some challenges in life because of the way they treat their wives. The Bible says you are to treat your wife right so that your prayers will be answered by God (1 Peter 3:7). God knows why He said so, I am sure God foresaw that some men will be wicked to their wives and selfish. If you have been praying to God for favour or help, genuinely start treating your wife well, unconditionally and watch if God too will not have mercy on you. 

To our single sisters, please do not be carried away by your emotions, kindly marry someone that you are sure has feelings for you and not the person that you love and does not love you back. Even if you do not really love the man, by the time he showers you with affections, that love will develop in you. But love does not develop in men’s hearts, no matter how you try to impress them. Please do not do what you will regret later, it is not easy to live with someone who sees you as a sex toy to satisfy his selfish needs, baby mama and senior nanny for the rest of your life. The first thing someone in love with you will always do is to make sure you are not under any stress; your mental, physical and emotional health will be their top priority. Whereas those that are not genuinely in love with you will add to your stress, and when you complain they get angry. They don’t care if you die because it gives them the opportunity to marry the woman they love. Be wise, choose right, a word is enough for the wise. 

Stay blessed.

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