These are Questions Asked by Several Women and My Responses to Them. I Hope You Will Learn from Their Experiences.
I am a born-again sister married to a born-again brother in RCCG. We are both workers in the church but I realize that my husband does not have an atom of love for me at all. His attitude and the sort of words that comes out of his mouth have made me realize that I have made the biggest mistake of my life in marrying him. He is not caring, not loving and very selfish. He does not willingly buy things for me. What can I do? We are just patching this marriage.
Glory be to God that you are still together, my sister. There are some people whose case is not even as worse, yet they are no more together. This shows that God loves you both. Like you said, you are both workers in the church, so even if you believe that your marriage is a mistake, God is a God of change. There is nothing too difficult for him to do. Some men think that they are allowed to say anything when they are angry in order to prove their point. But when you surrender your life to Christ, your body and character remain intact, and gradually God has a way of changing you. In my counseling sessions, I tell women to develop shock absorbers due to the things that come from their spouses. You don’t have to reply all the nagging, abuses, negative words and curses because replying him would bring more bad words. And you keeping quiet does not mean that you are a fool, you are only obeying the word of God. With regards to not buying things for you, PLEASE find something to do (which will earn you some money}; and if you are working, buy for yourself those things you need to make yourself happy. I am not supporting the bad behavior but whatever you do not have the power to change leave it for God to handle. But pray. My sister, I feel your pain, I know what you are talking about. It is not an easy process but you do not have a choice. As a child of God, the moment you are married it is settled for life. Make sure this does not take you away from God. Don’t lose your focus as a child of God. Read the word of God, surround yourself with people who will encourage you and not those who will discourage you. It is a matter of time, you are sowing your prayers, you will soon receive the harvests.
My husband has turned me into a sex puppet; yet he is not caring nor loving. He fights me over every little thing. I want to be submissive but he still fights me. He does not have any respect for me or my family (including my parents). Nobody can talk to him, he will change the story and get angry, and the case will become worse. I soak my bed with tears every day. Unfortunately, we are born again Christians married for fourteen years with a child. He is always happy when I am hurt, sad or down. He believes that I should not shine more than him. He does not want helpers around me and everything must be about him, and I must not complain or talk. I should always accept that I am the devil. I have prayed seriously about this for years. Is God not answering me? Did I marry the wrong person?
I realize your husband is not broken at all, there is more of flesh than God in him. Unfortunately, most men don’t desire for their wives to be more successful than them yet there are a few who celebrate their wives’ successes. Marriage is a parcel whatever you find in it is your lot. And God hates divorce, so there is no going back the moment you are married. You asked if God is not answering you because you have been praying for years, I would like to tell you that our God is a prayer-answering God. The devil is the one at work and he is fighting your home. Don’t see your husband as the devil. I want you to understand this, the bible says one will chase a thousand, two will put ten thousand to flight. When you are united with your husband, the devil is always unhappy. There are greater glories coming your family’s way and this is what the devil is after. Carefully choose a prayer partner who is not lousy nor a gossip. Choose a date and pray together about this. You also need extra prayers from a genuine child of God, who has a higher anointing.