QUESTION AND ANSWERS (CONTINUED)

These are Questions Asked by Several Women and My Responses to Them. I Hope You Will Learn from Their Experiences.

QUESTION 9

My husband is possessive, he does not trust me and he usually says it out loud. He refuses to apologize when he is wrong. He is very proud and does not give me compliments. He is not proud of me nor does he appreciate my efforts. He has openly said to my face that he hates me. Kindly explain, how do you know that a man loves you? Please explain in detail, what is expected from a husband who loves his wife?

ANSWER

My sister, love can never be covered. The Bible in 1 Peter 4:8 says, “love covers a multitude of sins.” From these questions, I can say that you did not study each other before your wedding. This is a fundamental problem which is why I advise single sisters to marry someone who loves them more than they love him. Women, in general, don’t easily fall in love, but the moment we are in love, it is settled. But when men are not in love as much as their wives, there will always be a problem. And they (men) will pick on every issue. Even what they can easily settle or overlook, they will pick on it. This is why he can openly say to your face, and even in the presence of others, that he hates you. And when there is no love, there cannot be trust. He will always suspect you. This is why a husband won’t forgive offenses after many years, referring to it whenever there are issues. The man who does not love you cannot appreciate you. He can only appreciate you when there is love. So, your top priority is to pray for him to genuinely love you just as Christ loves the church. No matter how much a man pretends to love you, you will know if he does not. The way a man handles issues will reveal how much he loves you. If he will care about your feelings, health, welfare and emotions. So, my sister, in this you need to be calm and get your bearing. There is no reversal (divorce) here, you can only focus on the next thing to do, so, relate with him in love. Yes! It is difficult to relate with such men in love, but pray that God should help you in this matter. And as time goes by, he will reciprocate it, though not as fast as you may want it, but the situation will motive him to do so. Talking about apology, it is when he has feelings for you that he sees it as a necessity to say sorry, and it takes a man who has the spirit of God to admit that he is at fault. Pride and ego will not allow most men to admit this. As for you, with all you have mentioned, if you are not careful to forgive, you may end up being bitter. And bitterness is a danger to your Christian identity. Forgive him and let go. Yes, it is difficult, very difficult, but to be able to finish your Christian race well, you need to let go. Remember, a bad marriage can deny you from making heaven. I pray for you that God will see you through in Jesus name.

 

QUESTION 9

Ma, I’m fed up with my marriage; my husband beats me regularly.

ANSWER

It takes two to tango; a soft, gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath but harsh, painful and careless words stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1). Every man has the tendency to be violent, but those with the grace of God in them suppress this tendency. A man is like a square with each side painted a different colour (red, blue, white and black). When you put the square in front of four different women with each woman facing a different side, you will realize that each woman will only get to see a different colour. Now, representing each side are anger, violence (beating), love and care. This shows that every man has in him the tendency to be loving and caring, likewise the propensity to be violent (and a beater). It now depends on the response of the wife when he is angry. Do you get angry along with him and reply with words that fuel his anger? This can result in you being beaten. You can decide that no matter what he says, you will not reply him in anger; that you will admit to faults at first and later, when things are calm, you will discuss the issue. However, there are exceptions, because there are men who will still choose to beat you even when you reply with soothing words. In this case, separation is advised for safety, while continuous prayers are raised for him. Please note, separation does not mean you can remarry.

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